Week 2: our wedding

We’re married! The wedding was on Saturday, 24th of February. It was a beautiful day. I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say about it as time goes on, but here are some immediate thoughts.

Planning

Although I wanted more than a courthouse ceremony, I knew I wanted a simple and small wedding. I see my wedding as a special day, but not the biggest, most important, or defining day in my life. The marriage – the relationship – is far more important to me. Further, my partner Theo and I both value our home and travel more than a flashy wedding. Nevertheless, there were some elements that I identified as very important to me: the ceremony, food, the flowers, the cake, and music.

We wanted a ceremony that reflected our multicultural backgrounds, that wasn’t too religious because Theo is non-religious, but also reflected my Pagan sensibilities. I wanted the food to be good and the cake to be pretty. I wanted pretty flowers, but I wasn’t particular about the types of flowers. I wanted good music and dancing, but I didn’t want to hire a DJ. We used Spotify.

I wanted to minimise the stress and anxiety of wedding planning. I wanted it to be fun and not completely consuming of my time. Living in Melbourne, I knew early on that I would struggle to plan a wedding in Miami. I had help from family and friends, but weddings, even small ones, have a lot of moving parts. So, I hired Blush & White Event and Design House. I worked with Founder and Creative Director Haydee Duarte for months and she was wonderful. She listened to me. She looked out for me. She was patient, but also firm when it was necessary. Haydee sourced the catering, rentals, florals, cake, and dancefloor. She managed all the vendors, helped organised guests lists, stationery, and seating, created timelines, and coordinated on the day. She was terrific and worth every cent.

Theo and I were able to get the ceremony site we wanted. Bill Baggs Cape Florida State Park is a beautiful and special place. Part of the National Underground Railroad Network to Freedom Trail, I grew up going to the beach there. It was also important to Theo that we get married at a historic site that we will be able to return to.

Finding a reception venue was a huge challenge. Many venues won’t accept a wedding party of 40 on a Saturday night when they can have one of 100+ and make a lot more money. Other venues have large food and drink minimums that a small wedding won’t meet. The so-called wedding tax further complicates this. Services often cost more for a “wedding” than they do for a “party” even if the two are identical in everything other than name. Flowers are just flowers until they’re “wedding flowers”. Then, they’re triple the price. The wedding almost didn’t happen because we couldn’t find a reasonably-priced venue for the reception in Miami that would accept a small wedding party. In the end, some very good friends offered their home and that’s where it took place.

The dress

I went to a few bridal stores, but discovered that I didn’t want a traditional wedding gown. They were beautiful and molded my body into a shape that is rarely seen, but it just wasn’t me. And I didn’t want to spend thousands of dollars on a dress I’d only wear a few hours. I wanted a simple dress, but the local plus-size stores didn’t have any options for me. After doing a lot of research, reading reviews, and watching YouTube reviews, I took a risk and ordered a dress on JJ’sHouse, a Chinese store. It was delivered within two weeks. The quality was excellent and the fit was nearly perfect. I took it a local alternations service to take up the shoulders a little and add a panel to the front (it was more low-cut than I was comfortable with). A couple of pins and a little Hollywood Fashion Tape kept it perfectly in place.

The ceremony

Although we got married at the beach, we didn’t get married on the sand. We got married outside the charming and rustic Keeper’s Cottage, by the sea, and nearby the Cape Florida Lighthouse. If something can go wrong, it will, and there were a few mishaps. The chairs for guests were supposed to have been delivered and set up 45 minutes prior to my arrival, but were not. We were supposed to have two park rangers, but only had one. The Keeper’s Cottage and Lighthouse were supposed to be open to guests, but they weren’t. For some reason that is still unknown to me, some guests were prevented from entering the park.

It was important to me to have a bilingual wedding. My partner doesn’t speak Spanish and my parents don’t speak English. My sister recalled that an old acquaintance of ours was a celebrant. I reached out to Frank Nuñez and he did a beautiful job. He included all the elements we wanted such as a memorial for loved ones that have passed, our own vows, the Greek tradition of the wedding crowns, and a Pagan blessing of the four elements. Equally important, he excluded the elements we didn’t want such as religious language and traditional, sexist language.

We didn’t have a bridal party per se, but Theo and my mom emerged from the Keeper’s Cottage and I followed with my dad. My sister held my bouquet. Theo’s best friend presented the rings and the Greek wedding crowns. My niece managed the music. It was a moving and loving ceremony. Despite a few hiccups, it was beautiful.

The reception

We wanted a wedding party, not a wedding reception, but we ended up with a reception. People have expectations when it comes to weddings and some of them are easier to eliminate than others. For example, we didn’t plan to have assigned seating, but our wedding planner explained that while we may think we’re taking the stress out of it, it’s confusing for guests to arrive at a wedding reception and not know where to go. In the end, it worked out because we were able to sit people together according to their relationships and create good synergy as well as good buffers.

When Theo and I arrived, we gave a brief, clumsy speech. We didn’t plan speeches and toasts. We hoped they’d happen organically, but they didn’t. Again, wedding expectations. We danced our first dance to “What a Diff’rence a Day Made” by Dinah Washington. We chose it because it’s short and sweet, but also because the original version of this song is in Spanish so my parents would have recognised the music. I danced with my father to “Vals para una novia” by Spanish artist Alejandro Jaén. Then we posed for the cake-cutting pictures so we could get all the ceremonial moments done and out of the way. We spent the rest of the night eating, drinking, mingling, and dancing. One of my nieces managed the music and another niece managed the photo guest book.

Paella Party provided the reception rentals as well as the food, which was very good. It was a Cuban dinner. For hors d’oeuvres, we had chicken breast brochette, coconut shrimp, and picadillo served in tostones-cups. Dinner was roast pork, white rice and black beans, yuca, and maduros. Cloud 9 Bakery made the beautiful and delicious guava and rose champagne cake and chocolate hazelnut mini cupcakes. House of Lilac provided the beautiful flowers and Greek wedding crowns. The dance floor was from Infinity Sound Production, which also offers DJ services though we used Spotify.

Our guests seemed to remain mostly at their tables. There wasn’t as much dancing as I expected. Maybe they didn’t like the music or maybe we got old. Maybe the lights were too bright. It was still wonderful to be surrounded by so many of my favourite people. I was very happy.

At the end of the day

A year of planning culminated in a beautiful day that felt long, but happened very quickly. I planned it so that I wouldn’t have to do anything that day except be present and I was, but it’s remarkable how fast it starts to fade. It was a morning like any other. I woke up. I got up. I showered and brushed my teeth and had breakfast. But then it was unlike any other day. I got my hair done. I checked into an old hotel with my mother, my fiance, and his best friend. My old university roommate, my friend of 23 years, came and did my make-up. A friend from high school came and took photos of the day. I drove us to the ceremony site. I smiled and cried and said, “I do”. I posed for photos. I drove us to the reception site. I danced with my husband, with my father, with my family and friends. Lots of hugs. Lots of kisses. And when it was over, I drove us back to our hotel. And just like that, we were married.

Acknowledgements

As I mentioned above, I gave a clumsy speech. Let me give that another try.

Thank you, everyone, for celebrating this occasion with us. You are among my favourite people in the world and it warms my heart to see you gathered here – my family, friends that I have known for so long, and my spiritual family. Many thanks to our friends that have travelled very far to be with us: Graeme from Australia, Rachel from St. Augustine, Marla and Gypsey from Callahan, and Bruce from Quincy. Special thanks to Mic and Traci for generously offering their home. Thank you to my dear, old friend Augie for making me look beautiful today. Thank you to my nieces Ingrid and Gabi for their assistance today. Thank you to my sister Lissette and my good friend Lori for your help and support through planning this wedding. And, finally, thank you to my parents for all your love and support.

Vendors

Wedding design, planning, and day-of coordination: Blush & White Event and Design House
Ceremony site: Bill Baggs Cape Florida State Park
Celebrant: Frank Nuñez
Reception site: Private residence
Catering: Paella Party
Cake: Cloud 9 Bakery
Florals: House of Lilac
Dance floor: Infinity Sound Production
Bride’s dress: JJ’sHouse
Dress alterations: Stitch Me (Melbourne)
Bride’s hair: Hair by Hisham, Coconut Grove
Bride’s makeup: Augustine Tirado McGannon, MAC at Brickell City Center
Groom’s suit: Hugo Boss
Photography: MichiVision