Since 2021, I’ve dedicated every month to a different goddess. Last year, I allocated April to Aphrodite, and I’ve done the same this year. Aphrodite, the goddess of love, brings a lot of gifts and unexpected challenges.
Who is Aphrodite?
Aphrodite is best known as the Greek goddess of love. She is that, but she is so much more.
The cult of Aphrodite in Greece was imported or influenced by the cult of Astarte in Phoenicia (modern-day Lebanon), which was influenced by the Mesopotamian goddess known as Ishtar to the East Semitic people and by Inanna to the south-central people of Sumer. Like Astarte and Ishtar-Inanna, Aphrodite was not only a goddess of sexuality and procreation; she was also associated with the heavens and was a warrior.
In Greece, her most popular myth tells us that Aphrodite was born in Cyprus, in the sea from the foam produced by Uranus’s castrated genitals. Aphrodite was the goddess of all forms of erotic love, and she was the patron goddess of every kind of prostitute.
In Rome, Aphrodite acquired new characteristics. The Roman identified Aphrodite with Venus, a goddess of agricultural fertility and springtime. As the mother of Aeneas, a hero of Troy and Rome, Aphrodite was depicted as more militaristic and a mother of the Roman nation. She was also the tutelary deity of April.
Aphrodite has many epithets that hint at her characteristics and divine roles. These range from describing her as sea-born, heavenly, like a flower, golden, smiling, laughter-loving, common to all people, presiding over marriage, protectress of births, of the harbour, bringer of victory, the merciful, postponer of old age, the dark one, warlike, the killer of men, and the gravedigger.
My experience with Aphrodite
Although Greek mythology was my gateway drug into Paganism and Greek deities have featured prominently in my spirituality, Aphrodite had not been among them. I didn’t get her. The writers and painters of old, most of them men, objectified her and treated her as a whiny, superficial, petty bimbo, the unattainable stony beauty of their dreams, or an adulterous whore deserving of humiliation. So, I wasn’t interested.
As I wrote in my piece about Ochún, the orisha of beauty, love, and sexuality, I’ve never been the kind of woman that is archetypically associated with a goddess of love. Pink is not my colour, and I’ve never derived great pleasure from hyperfemininity. I’ve long thought that performative femininity is toxic.
I’m a member/student of the Mt Shasta Goddess Temple, which honours Aphrodite in April. That’s how this started; I followed Mt Shasta’s devotional calendar. So, I wanted to be open to exploring Aphrodite and see what could come. I built an altar for her, and, every morning, I made offerings, read a version of the Orphic Hymn to Venus, prayed, and listened. Aphrodite responded after a few days.
I thought my time with Aphrodite was going to be about self-indulgence– baths, massages, chocolates and pink bubbly. There is room for that, but Aphrodite’s work has been about self-care, self-love, and the hard work to achieve and maintain these.
Self-care and self-love
We often talk about self-care in terms of activities. For example, getting a massage or taking a relaxing bath. I’m talking about self-care as the conscious, holistic, and ongoing process of enhancing our well-being and happiness. It’s about taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, socially, and professionally. Pampering activities can be a part of that but don’t in and of themselves create sustained self-care.
Mirriam-Webster defines self-love as a noun meaning “an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue” and “proper regard for and attention to one’s happiness or well-being”. Mary Jelkovsky, author of The Gift of Self-Love, adds that self-love is more than a noun.
“Self-love is a verb–it’s an action, a choice, a process. It’s about the choices we make and the steps we take each day to make ourselves feel loved.”
She offers a formula:
self-esteem + self-worth + self-compassion = self-love
Of love and shadows
When it comes to self-care, I’m good at some things. Last year, I got my hair cut for the first time since the pandemic broke. I had a few routine medical appointments (all good), a dental check-up and a cleaning (no cavities, yay!), my first mammogram (all clear), and my first COVID-19 vaccine shot. With just some medical appointments and a shrine, Aphrodite let me off easy in 2021. This April has been similar: medical check-ups and a COVID-19 booster. But Aphrodite has pushed me to step up my game.
My spirituality is in a good place, but everything else needs work. I don’t eat well, exercise, or sleep enough. The area of self-love is even more challenging. It involves a tremendous amount of healing, which requires difficult shadow work.
Self-defeating beliefs
Coincidentally (there are no coincidences), this week’s lesson in my Counselling Skills course is on self-defeating beliefs. The homework included creating a questionnaire and studying the results. I made an anonymous questionnaire, posted it on Facebook, and asked my friends for their help.
I won’t share the results here because I didn’t disclose that I would, and it was not my intention. I will say that I was very surprised by the results. Everyone I’m connected with on Facebook has something fantastic going for them, and these are intelligent, engaging, creative, skilled and talented people. So, I was shocked to read that large percentages of people, sometimes more than half, get self-critical if they’re unable to please others, need people’s approval to feel happy and worthwhile, and agree that their self-esteem depends significantly on how productive and successful they are.
We experience these thoughts and feelings differently and uniquely, but we all have them. We all have healing to do, and Aphrodite is the goddess stepping up for my intervention.
The self-care and self-love journal and kit
In 2015, I started a Bullet Journal to collect All the Things and keep them in one place. I’m now creating a self-care and self-love journal (snazzy name to be determined). The purpose of my new journal is to collect information, ideas, inspiration, and, very importantly, strategies. I want to reach for this journal when I’m not thinking clearly and need guidance. When I don’t know what to do, I’ll find the answers there.
The journal may become part of a bigger self-care and self-love kit. A kit would include items like my fluffy red blanket and eye pillow. I might also add a colouring book, a favourite book of poetry, a beautiful piece of rose quartz, an inspiring oracle deck, and other items that will help me calm and comfort myself when feeling distressed.
April is almost over, and so is my daily practice with Aphrodite, but she has a permanent shrine in my home, and she’s getting all my full moon rituals this year. And the work continues because self-care and self-love are not luxuries; they are necessities.
Thank you for this post! It’s so rare to find a deeper conversation about Aphrodite and you have definitely started one here. Your experience really resonates with my own, self love is Her most fundamental lesson. And that’s not always easy or fun. You’ve given me a lot to ponder.