If you suddenly became incapacitated and your loved ones had to make medical decisions, would they know what you wanted? Who would take care of your children? Your pets? Would you prefer to die at home? What kind of funeral do you want, if any? Do you want to be buried, cremated, or something else, and where?
Dying to Know Day
8 August is Dying to Know Day, an annual campaign that invites Australians to take action on end-of-life planning in a way that is right for them. It’s an initiative of the Groundswell Project, which aims to improve how Australians die, care, and grieve. This year’s theme, ‘get dead set’, encourages Australians to take simple steps to plan for end-of-life.
Many Pagans, myself included, honour our ancestors, which has perhaps paved the way to be more comfortable with death and dying. We know that death is the natural and sacred end of life and that our relationships with our loved ones don’t have to end there. Perhaps you’ve thought about what you’d like your death to look like. You might not get the Viking funeral, but you might settle for dying at home, surrounded by loved ones, a celebration of your life rather than a sombre funeral, and a green burial in a sustainable coffin or shroud rather than the traditional cemetery burial. But have you communicated your preferences to your loved ones? Have you written them down?
'Get dead set'
Talking about death can be very hard for some people, much less planning for it, but there are benefits to having the conversations. Talking about end-of-life can help ensure that your preferences are met. This is especially important for Pagans and LGBTIQA+ people whose traditional families may have different ideas about your funeral and burial.
Planning for your end-of-life also eases the anguish and confusion of your loved ones later. Taking the decision-making out of their hands removes a significant burden during a distressing time. It also better equips us to support a loved one who is dying.
Some people need to hear this: it’s okay to feel uncomfortable, confronted, sad and afraid when faced with the mortality of our loved ones. I find it much easier to think and talk about my death than my husband’s. But it’s important to me to know what he values and what his preferences are. So, I feel the feelings, stay mindful, and it’s okay.
How to plan for end-of-life
There is a lot to think about, and it can be a confusing and confronting space to navigate, especially regarding medical decision-making, legal issues, and funeral options. You don’t have to tackle everything, and you don’t have to plan everything at once. Start by thinking about it and talking about it with your loved ones.
Normalising conversations around death and dying is an important first step. Then start writing things down. When you’re ready, you can consider other and more specific areas of end-of-life planning, such as legal decisions, what to do with your digital assets, religious items, and funeral wishes. Here’s a handy one-page checklist to get you started.
You don’t need to have all the answers right now. I revisit my end-of-life plans every few years, and I change my mind when it comes to medical interventions and funeral wishes. I used to want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered at sea, but now I’m leaning towards a natural burial. As our health, other circumstances, and laws change, and we learn more about our options, it’s natural that our plans change too. Keep the conversation going and update your plans.
Consult an End-of-Life Doula
An End-of-Life Doula, also called a Death Doula, provides non-medical emotional, physical, and spiritual support for people before, during, and after death. End-of-Life Doulas offer a variety of services ranging from education and planning to sitting with the dying and after-death care. An End-of-Life Doula can assist you with your end-of-life planning.
We plan for our birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, and other milestones and rites of passage, and we should also plan for our end of life.
For more information, please visit Dying to Know Day and the Groundswell Project.
